Happy New Year! 🎉 Today marks the 3rd anniversary of my craniotomy. Looking back on this year is something I will never enjoy. It was a bad year all the way around.

Repercussions from the accident/surgery ordeal keep coming. The retinal tear was from the accident and now my right eye will always be fuzzy. My neck will never be the same and even after 3 yrs the weird smelling issues still makes me sad.

People tell me to get over it, let it go, it happened a long time ago, but you know what? I can't and don't want to.  It was 2 life changing events that really did change my life and not in any way good.  I am still alive and call it what you will - fate was in my favor and I'll always question why.

Everything I went through doesn't hold a candle to the heartbreak and grief I go through every day over Lily dying. There are no words that can express the depth of my grief.  Putting the 3 life changing events together I will never be the same as I was the morning of July 26, 2013.

Putting Lily's death aside along with the miscellaneous bad stuff (no one will fix the back steps, busted water heater etc.) it was a year of indulgences - partly trying to fill the hole in my heart with stuff.

This is a new year and it's going to be the year of practicality. Money will be spent on fixing up the house, saving some $ and only paying for needs not wants.  I'm going to start throwing stuff out and purging all the stuff I've been holding onto for no reason.  A cleansing of sorts.

I survived another year and am curious about how this next year is going to go.

...all is well.