I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate getting up for work in the mornings, the only thing I hate more is peas.

I prefer my chocolate cold.

Do not tell your old car you want a new car anytime before the day you actually plan to buy the new car, trust me, it will retaliate.

shoulda, woulda, coulda been a porn star.

I have a lot of Texas CDs (no, not the state of Texas, the band)